There has been no better time to be a fan of the NHL! Sure, 422 games have been canceled so far. Sure, the two sides negotiating the new CBA have poisoned the well of compromise so badly that the bad blood is sure to carry into the next CBA negotiation. Sure, your wintry Saturday nights will seem listless and long. But people aren't considering the major benefit that has emerged from this whole ordeal; the average NHL player and owner have never been more respectful or empathetic towards the average fan. They'll tell you so themselves. And they will fight tooth and nail to make sure that as self-indulgent and damaging as this lockout seems, it is all for the greater good, and it is definitely not their fault. And we should all just sit back and enjoy the ride.
Consider the owners. Gary Bettman has continually made us blush by telling us that the NHL has the 'best fans in the world.' It's why we all came back after the last lockout, he tells us. How can you argue with that? Fans in Ottawa, Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton all came back in droves to see their hockey teams. The fact that you could rename the Toronto Maple Leafs the Toronto Festering Sores, serve Soylent Dogs in the concessions, and play nothing but Kenny G over the PA between whistles and people in the Big Smoke would still be stepping over their own mothers to get tickets I'm sure can be overlooked. Judging by the caliber of hockey usually played at the ACC, the Leafs have been trying to give fans a good reason not to come the rink for years before the lockout, and yet they keep coming back. It's the same with all the Canadian teams. Even when they are bad, they still draw fans. So we are the best fans in the world! We expect nothing from our teams, and in return give complete, unreserved support. That's what Gary is talking about. That's why it can't be suggested that the league is taking advantage of this deep national character flaw. And of course if the fans up here where hockey is religion will always masochistically come back for more, then the fans in the US where hockey is still in its infancy in many places... well the fans will take their lead from us Canucks, and will always come back. Cause those teams are actually successful. According to ESPN.com, The New Jersey Devils, Stanley Cup finalists last spring, winner of 3 in the last 15 years, and all-around model organization sold on average 87.4% of their seats per game last year, including corporate seats. Seems like a solid number, except when you watch a game on television, and see that the seats may have been sold, but they are not filled. Corporate seats are usually given free to clients, or employees. Apparently there are simply not enough people who want to come see a consummate NHL team and franchise even for free. Phoenix was last in the league in attendance, selling less only 72% of their tickets, despite Gary's insistence that the market is viable, the franchise is thriving, and the ownership is solid. The city of Glendale, the supreme court of Arizona, and even the team's hitherto unflappable captain Shane Doan don't seem as convinced, but what do they know? They don't get to touch the Stanley Cup whenever they want.
Gary also will tell you that the league is on the same page with its fans. They're being transparent, and share our frustration with the entitled players who don't understand the realities of the current situation. When Bettman was asked about the most recent proposal from the NHLPA, he sounded off authoritatively, and showed just how in touch he is. "Hopefully there will have been some momentum from today's session that we can build off of to hopefully bring this process to a successful conclusion," Bettman said on Wednesday. Goosebumps. The successful conclusion he is talking about is of course the invention of an NHL time machine, so that he and Boy Wonder Bill Daly can travel back, hop in the Bett-mobile and warn his former self of the impending loss of 422 regular season games at a critical moment for the league amidst financial uncertainty not seen in twenty years. That must be what he's talking about, because that is pretty much the only scenario that would represent a 'successful conclusion.' As it is, especially for the fans, there is no such thing as a 'successful conclusion', even if hockey started again tomorrow. But Gary knows that, he's a lawyer.
Just like he knows that it would be wrong to renege on player's contracts years after they were signed. All the league is asking for is a re-do. We all know that those evil, cap-circumventing, front-heavy contracts were all signed at gun-point by sweating owners and GMs while Ilya Kovalchuk and his agent sat in high backed chairs and simultaneously stroked white fluffy cats. Now the owners are calling foul. They are the champions and defenders of financial sanity, and they're only asking for what used to be theirs until they gave it to someone else. I think the average NHL fan can relate to that. After all, they used to think that hockey belonged to them on some level. Gary will set us right though. We need to stop worrying, and just wait at the turn-style, money in our fist.
And he's so in touch with our pain that he'll do anything that is necessary to get this thing fixed, including damage his spotless reputation by requesting a two week hiatus just when talks seemed to be heating up. What a crafty negotiator. This is a man who gets things done. Nobody presents the Stanley Cup like he does! Of course, that's because nobody is allowed to present the Stanley Cup like he does. Probably because nobody could match the level of commitment that he displays while doing it. Despite being resoundingly drowned out by boos no matter what city he's in (even cities that have just won the Stanley Cup take time off from their revelry to lustily jeer the commish) he resolutely plows forward with his congratulatory remarks, and darn it if he isn't going to get all of his platitudes out before he gives up that trophy. We fans should know better, and will just have to wait. And thank goodness. Gary makes sure we know the names of the players who have just won the Stanley Cup, he reminds us of the hard work and perseverance we've all been watching for the last three months, and makes sure to give a shout-out to his good personal friend, owner of team X, and even though he has worked in close quarters with this person (and is currently representing them in major negotiations), still manages to say their name like he's reading it off a queue card. This the generosity, the genuineness, and the geniality of our commissioner. Triple G.
NHL fans, stop railing against it. Stop thinking that you have the slightest idea of what is going on. You couldn't possibly. Only one man does, and don't worry, his smiles may never reach his eyes, his platitudes may never be reflected in his actions, but he feels your pain, he has your best interests at heart. Trust in Triple G Bettman, and we will reach that 'successful conclusion.'
But what of the players? Do they not also commiserate with hockey fans affected by this tyrannical owner-induced lockout? Of course they do. Just ask Donald Fehr, president of the NHLPA, and chief negotiator for the oppressed and under heel players. "The players are suffering right along with the fans" pronounced Fehr, as if that wasn't already clear. The fans, just like the players are being forced to get paid thousands of Euros to play hockey in European abysses like Prague, Moscow and Cologne. Some of them even shamed into returning to their home countries, fulfilling dreams of playing for their childhood clubs. Some of them have even said that things are so bad for them where they are right now, they might actually never leave. Obviously not as many of the fans are doing this as players are, but the kindred feeling of despair is obvious. TSN had briefly flirted with the idea of working out a broadcast agreement with the Russian KHL and other European leagues, but gave the up the idea of chasing hockey all the way to Europe as ludicrously expensive and impractical. But just because TSN, with its millions of dollars of endorsement money shouldn't be willing to cross the Atlantic, that doesn't mean fans shouldn't. After all, the players are suffering with us, making all of these sacrifices, forgoing their usual hundreds of thousands of dollars to play in the NHL, and instead collecting hundreds of thousands of Euros to play overseas. The least we as fans can do is quit our regular jobs to hop the pond to support them.
And the players themselves leave little doubt as to how closely they can identify with the plight of the fans. They have conducted themselves with nothing but honor and decorum. Scathing tweets from European hotel rooms as to the mental prowess of NHL executives, and infighting between union devotees and malcontents have surely done nothing to tarnish the reputation of these blue collar heroes. Why, only last week Washington Capitals defenceman Roman Hamrlik voiced his displeasure about the seemingly farcical and ponderously slow progress of negotiations under Donald Fehr. But former Montreal Canadiens teammate Erik Cole was quick to quash these remarks, calling them the "the most selfish thing I've heard during the lockout." You can imagine that the competition in that particular category is stiff, but Erik Cole, People's Champion that he is, is right. Being upset about the fact that nothing is getting done while most suffer and some do not is very selfish. Roman Hamrlik should be ashamed to voice his displeasure, just as we fans should too. It would be selfish to criticize people who are clearly so relatable and who share our pain. Cole heroically went on to betray private conversations that Hamrlik had in the Montreal dressing room with other former teammates while foolishly believing that the sanctity of what is discussed between teammates and friends would never be thrown on the sacrificial pyre of CBA negotiations posturing. You fool, Roman. If you believe that, the terrorists win. Hamrlik even went as far as to suggest voting (Voting?) among the membership of the NHLPA before a proposed deal is summarily dismissed by the leadership. Even if there were some kind of international network that could be used to share information, the idea of people actually voting about things is frightening and untraditional. Hamrlik should just take his socialist agenda back to Commie-land. Soon we'll be holding elections to democratically elect an NHL commissioner.
The idea is certainly cumbersome judging by the NHL players' complete lack of ability to use social media. Chicago forward Dave Bolland admitted it that he erred in re-tweeting a death threat made against the commissione by one of Bolland's followers. "It was a mistake" said Bolland. After all, some things should never be said. Also some things should never be said publicly. Also, some things should never be said publicly and then publicly endorsed by a high profile athlete with thousands of subscriber sharpening pitch-forks and lighting to torches, just looking for a good time. I'm certain that the damage done to any young and impressionable fans will be mitigated by Bolland's 'aw shucks' admission that threatening to kill people is wrong, but it's sure as heck funny enough to post it for all to see.
Former NHLer Jeff O'Neil was also in hot water for tweeting that he wanted to 'make whole' in Gary Bettman's head, referring to the legal lingo assigned to the owners' acknowledgment that to not pay contracts is stealing. O'Neil later reported that he was the victim of a nefarious hacking scheme, where persons unidentified hack into innocent people's twitter accounts, and then post the innocent person's exact thoughts.
Back in the trenches, Erik Cole, or 'Che' as he has come to be known in the world of labor dispute, went on to extoll the nobility of the unions cause. ""That's what this is supposed to be about, that's what makes hockey players different. You sacrifice something for the people coming behind you. That's where the respect factor comes in. Whoever's kid is the best kid on your son's hockey team, you want that kid to have the same opportunity that you've had. That's what it's about." Come on fans, this is not about your love for the game, or the players incredible good fortune to be able to do it for a living. This is about people getting what they deserve because they're better at something than you. It's not even about your kid, because as Eric points out it's going to be somebody else's kid, because let's face it, no kid of yours is going to be good enough to make the NHL. Let's stop being all entitled, and thinking that hockey belongs to everyone. We all know it only belongs to those who do it best. Really, by following them so closely, and cheering them on, we're doing them a disservice. Our ignorance, selfishness, and lack of talent drag them down. They don't need us, they're good at hockey, and they have to make sure the world will be a better place for other people who are good at hockey too.
So let's all just take a step back here, fans. We Canadians are too weak willed to abstain from hockey if and when it comes back. NHL fans in general are too mentally feeble to begin to comprehend what might represent a 'successful conclusion' in this whole unmitigated disaster. We lack the will to change our minds once we've signed our name to something. We don't get to present the Stanley Cup. We are totally selfish for wanting hockey back before those much more enlightened than us deem it fit. We are probably just as good at hating our bosses, but we lack the savvy to get away with wishing their immediate and painful deaths in public forums. We're not even good at hockey. This lockout is not the fault of the players, or the fault of the owners. It's the fault of the fans for being timid, weak-willed, ignorant, selfish, and untalented. It's all right there in what both sides are saying. They know it. And now we know it. So I propose that if this whole mess is our fault, the best thing we can do is stay away. Let's stop enabling both sides to pour resources into winning a PR battle instead of suing for peace. And when the turn-styles open again, let's let those who are better suited to dictating what's good for the game do just that, and not go through them. Of course, I'll be there opening day, Soylent Dog in hand, humming along to Kenny G.
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